No. 1666: King David's mistake and disgrace that is little discussed was perhaps that he did not forgive his son Absalom, who presumably perished due to David's actions!

No. 1666:

King David's mistake and disgrace that is little discussed was perhaps that he did not forgive his son Absalom, who presumably perished due to David's actions!

Picture of Absalom, who was unfortunately left to his own devices in many ways.
It went as it almost had to go.
In defeat, death and despair.

 

There are areas and aspects of King David that are much discussed.
Not least his infidelity with Bathsheba.
Also his census of the people, which displeased God in a special way, is also discussed.
These are of course important things.
But what happened internally in the family.
Not least David's actions towards his son Absalom are little discussed.
Almost not brought up in any contexts when King David and his Kingdom, life and ministry are discussed.
Here in this article, this is the main topic.

Some brief history about Absalom.

Absalom is King David's third son.

Absalom was born in Hebron. As a young man, he avenged his sister Tamar, who had been raped by his half-brother Amnon (2 Sam 13).
Absalom was the most handsome and the most cunning and ambitious son that David had. The Bible says: “In all Israel there was no one so highly praised as Absalom, who was a handsome man. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him.” 2 Sam 14:25.

We enter the story after Absalom had killed his half-brother Amnon.
When Absalom fled.
We read in 2 Sam. 13. 37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai, the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son all the days. 2 Sam 3:3
38 Now Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years.
39 This kept King David from going out against Absalom; because he had consoled himself over Amnon's death.

Absalom fled to the area where his mother came from, and which he certainly knew from before.
Absalom was the son who probably resembled King David the most?
He was a tough guy like David, who enjoyed challenges.
At the same time, very sensitive like his Father.

Here Absalom had fallen out of favor with his Father.
Although in many ways he had let his half-brother get punished for having offended Absalom's sister, as you can read about in 2 Sam. 13.

Eventually Joab intervened in a masterful way and got Absalom to move back to Jerusalem. Where he belonged and where his family lived.
King David his Father took him to "grace."
It was not really any "grace." When David did not forgive Absalom as he should. But we read that the lack of grace, and the way he handled this situation, would have enormous consequences.
We can all find ourselves in situations, relationships and circumstances that are very demanding.
But then it is important to seek the Lord.
Live according to God's word, and orient yourself in a spiritual and biblical way.
We see that David behaved towards his own son in what in my eyes I would call a betrayal and a game of trickery towards his own son.
Such behavior that King David displays towards Absalom is such unworthy, simple and vulgar behavior.
Is actually what the scripture says we should not do.
We read about this in the New Testament.

Gal. 6. 7 But do not be deceived, for God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
8 He who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh. But he who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.
9 Do not grow weary in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not give up.
10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

It says here that we should do good, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
I would add, the family.
This is exactly what David did not do to his own son.
Who should have shown how to deal with this.
King David, like Absalom, was a warrior, sensitive, and also let this dominate him.
We read the following about King David when he faced challenges.

1 Sam. 25. 21 But David had said, “In vain have I kept all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was lost of all that belonged to him; but he has repaid me with evil for good.” 1 Sam 24:18 Ps 35:12
22 May God do evil to David’s enemies both now and later; I will not leave one of all who belong to him alive until tomorrow!”
23 When Abigail saw David, she hurried and got down from her donkey and fell on her face to the ground before David.
24 She fell at his feet and said, “My lord, the blame is on me; but please let your servant speak to you, and listen to the words of your servant.”
25 My lord, do not pay attention to this wicked man Nabal. For as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and he is full of folly. But I your servant did not see the men whom you sent, my lord.* *Nabal: fool.
26 Now therefore, my lord, as the LORD lives, and as you yourself live, the LORD has kept you from bloodguilt and from avenging yourself; now let your enemies and those who seek my lord’s harm be like Nabal.
27 And now, let this gift that your servant has brought to my lord be given to the men who are with my lord.
28 Leave your servant alone, what she has brought.has done evil! For the Lord will build my lord a sure house; for thou hast fought the Lord's battles, my lord, and evil has not been found in thee from the day that thou wast. 1 Sam 18:17 ** *warrior: 1 Sam 18:17.
29 And if any man rise up to pursue thee, and seek thy life, then the life of my lord shall be hid with the Lord thy God in the congregation of the living; but the lives of thine enemies shall he sling out as a stone from a sling.
30 And it shall come to pass, when the Lord shall have done unto thee according to all the good that he hath spoken unto thee, and shall have appointed thee prince over Israel, 2 Sam 5:2
31 Then shall this not be a stumblingblock unto thee, my lord, nor a reproach unto thee, that thou hast shed innocent blood, and hast avenged thyself, my lord: and when the Lord shall have done well unto thee, my lord, then remember thine handmaid.
32 Then David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent me this day to meet you!
33 And blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from coming to bloodguilt and from avenging myself!
34 But as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not hurried and come to meet me, surely not one of Nabal’s men had been left by morning.”
35 Then David accepted the gifts that she had brought him and said to her, “Go in peace; I have considered your words and granted your request.”

When we read this account.
David was about to kill Nabal and take the law into his own hands in many ways.
But because Nabal’s wife was clever, wise, and resourceful, David was spared from all of it.
Who later became David's wife when Nabal died.
While his son Absalom was in many ways like his Father, and took the law into his own hands.
It is clear that Absalom was in many ways his Father's successor.
But how did David behave towards him?
I would say very badly and blameworthy.
When he returned to Jerusalem we read the following about the relationship the two had.

2 Sam, 14. 28 Absalom lived in Jerusalem for two years but did not come before the king's eyes.

In order not to try to include all the details here.
Which could have been interesting enough, we must look at this period where King David and his son were apart.
Where Absalom developed into a man who tried to take David's throne.
It actually became a coup d'état and civil war. Where David had to flee from Absalom and he then left Jerusalem.
If we include the years that they were separated from each other until Absalom died.
Then there is probably a period of approx. 6 years or thereabouts.
In many ways, David was no Father to Absalom in those years.
When David in many ways broke all contact and connection.
Where Absalom got to meet David at least once physically during those years.
It was a great, great tragedy for both of them.

It was during that period that David did not want to have contact with Absalom that he became radicalized!

Now we cannot go into all the details in this article.
But it is clear that Absalom as we meet here at the end of his life.
Before he is killed by Joab, and dies a tragic death.
So he was in many ways a rebel, a rebel and there was little lovable about him as a person.
In my eyes, without that it is clear and straightforward.
Then Absalom was let down, by Joab and others.
But above all, by his own Father who did not in any way try to take him under his "wings!"
Where he, King David. Not once visited, or let Absalom be in his vicinity.
As we know, the Jews celebrate more than any other holidays.
Be it the Sabbath and other holidays.
Imagine, David could have invited his own son to these holidays.
Not once did he do so.
In every way, there was a denial of responsibility, irreconcilability and everything that should not be in a Father Son relationship.
David had to have a feeling and desire for reconciliation?
But why didn't he take the incentive or try to meet his Son Absalom?
Absalom walked like David, looked like David.
Was a tough guy like David, a strong and distinctly emotional person like his Father.
He was really as similar to him as possible.
However, Father David failed to do anything about the situation when Absalom was dead.
By then it was too late.
We read about what King David trumpeted and shouted when Absalom was dead.

2 Sam. 18. 28 And Ahimaaz called to the king, Peace! And he fell on his face to the ground before the king, and said, Blessed be the LORD thy God, which hath delivered into thine hand the men that lifted up their hand against my lord the king.
29 And the king said, Is it well with the young man, with Absalom? Ahimaaz answered, I saw a great tumult, when Joab sent the king's servant, and me thy servant, but I knew not what it was. 2 Sam 18:21-23 ** *servant: 2 Sam 18:21.Note on departure: 2 Sam 18:23.
30 And the king said, Turn aside, and stand there. So he turned aside, and stood there.
31 And immediately the Cushite came, and said, Let my lord the king hear good tidings, how that the LORD hath avenged thee this day of all them that rose up against thee.
32 The king asked the Cushite, “Is the young man Absalom safe?” The Cushite answered, “May the enemies of my lord the king and all who come to him be safe.”

 is against you and seeks to harm you, as that young man did!
33 Then the king was deeply moved. He went up to the upper room above the gate and wept, and as he went, he said, “My son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! Would that I had died instead of you! Absalom, my son, my son!” 2 Sam 19:4

2 Sam. 19. 1 And some people came and told Joab, “The king weeps and mourns for Absalom.” 2 Sam 18:33
2 And the victory was turned into mourning that day for all the people, for the people heard that day that the king was grieved for his son.
3 And the people stole into the city that day, as men steal into their houses when they are ashamed because they flee in battle.
4 But the king had covered his face and cried with a loud voice, “My son Absalom! Absalom, my son, my son!” 2 Sam 18:33
5 Then Joab went into the king's house and said, "Today you have disgraced all your men, who have saved your life today, and the lives of your sons and daughters, your wives and concubines.
6 You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have shown today that you have neither commanders nor servants. Now I know that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died today, then it would have been right in your eyes."

It is painful, strong and painful to read David's desperate cry and that he wished he had died instead of his son Absalom!

Listen to David's cry, which is almost like a supplication.

My son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! Oh that I had died instead of you! Absalom, my son, my son!

My son Absalom! Absalom, my son, my son!

David wept, covered himself and cried out in despair.
It must have been downright terrible, traumatizing and directly brought David to the breaking point of what he could endure and handle as a human being.
This is what happens when you really let others down.
Here he let Absalom be left to himself.
Then he became a rebel and a rebel.
Not only that, he had relations with David's concubines in front of all Israel. Where he actually raped his Father's concubines for "open scene."
Right up on the roof. We read about the incident here;

2 Sam. 16.20 Then Absalom said to Ahithophel: Now give advice and tell us what we should do!
21 Ahithophel answered: Go in to your father's concubines, whom he left to keep the house! Then all Israel will hear that you have made yourself abhorrent to your father, and all who are with you will be encouraged. 2 Sam 15,16
22 Then they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and Absalom went in to his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel. 2 Sam 12,11-12

This in many ways free sex life was part of his rebellion and way of acting that was to that extent simply evil, rebellious and demonic.
This person Absalom had become, without his Father David having in any way tried and shown willingness to stop his development.
That David wanted to die in his place, is difficult to see as a real desire?
He had failed his own son when he was alive.
Then wanting to die in his place must be interpreted and believed that David had then realized that he had completely acted directly evil and unwisely towards Absalom.

After this incident, David was a reduced man.
He probably did not go out to more wars, and lived more secluded.
There was no doubt, that here David really failed.
In that we know our own shortcomings and here I would say almost stupidity not to try to reconcile.
So unfortunately that is how we all act in many situations, relationships and settings.
Therefore the scripture says:
Prov. 24. 10. If you show yourself discouraged in the day of trouble, your strength is small.

Isn't this true only of David?
Isn't that how we all are, often?
David failed. He failed himself, his family and his people.
But above all, he failed God and Absalom.
David says:

Psalm 51. 16 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation! Then my tongue will rejoice in your righteousness.

This verse fits so well here.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness.
Of course, it is very hard to take.
But there were probably some colossal battles and accusations that David now had.
Absalom of course chose himself to become who he became.
But for him to become what he became, it was undoubtedly being let down by several.
But above all, his own Father.
Which made this situation and the circumstances as tragic as they became.
Here we have a lot to learn, all of us from David.
It is not least to do good, always.
In some settings, doing good is seen as being disobedient to the community.
Was there possibly something behind it all?
Showing Absalom care and love after his actions.
Wasn't seen as something good, but it would have been.
Here one should let mercy go for justice. Not least when one reads that Absalom was given the opportunity to return to Jerusalem. Then it is important to look after that person when one before he invited him. If one has said a, then one must say b.

In many ways, it was David's morality that made him not contact his son. When he had fallen from grace with the murder he committed of his own half-brother who had raped his sister.
But David let him return to Jerusalem.
But was not so loving and devoted above or Absalom as a Father was supposed to be after he died. Then it was too late to show love.

I also believe that David as a leader suffered from having few or no close friends.
It seems that when you study David, he got many followers.
But friends are needed.
Solomon writes a lot about this in the book of Proverbs.
Here is an example.

Prov. 17. 17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for trouble.
18. 24 A man who has many friends will fall into trouble; but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Joab, we read about, was probably a little worried and did not stand up for Absalom. Except to get him back to Jerusalem.. That was how many of David's warriors and men were.
Was there no one who could correct David?
Make suggestions, or something like that?
That he should not just let Absalom come to Jerusalem.
But let him back into the family, and don't let him live a secluded life where he only got sustenance. Money and material values ​​can never replace family, friends and the contact that we all need with having someone who stands up for you.

The story with and around Absalom has a lot to say to us today.
Where we see that isolating someone is the last kind of way to treat people.
We are made for community. Therefore, what David did to Absalom is a form of tyranny and really being unloving towards his own son.

What King David should have done to Absalom was actually a simple and small matter!

We often think that our biggest mistakes and the so-called big things.
But very often it is "small" decisions that have "big" consequences.
Here David should have just gotten Absalom into the "warmth".
Don't let him be out in the "cold" and isolated from David, the family and would have clearly needed a greater community.
Of course, Absalom had his own choice, and it is obvious that those choices were anything but good.
What could have possibly helped him, and broken those choices.
Not least this about being taken into the "heat!"
That did not happen, and he became a rebel and caused himself and all of Israel enormous pain and tragedy.
David acted completely wrong, and the consequences were civil war.

King David as an older man

 

Final comment:

This last battle here that resulted in an actual rebellion and civil war.
David did not stand up for his own son.
Then it went as it often does, it ends in disaster.
I am aware that it may not go as badly as it did with David.
But the point is there, we must stand up for each other.
I am aware that everyone is responsible for their own lives.
But here Father and the shepherd failed. But if Father and Mother fail.
Then one must seek the Lord on their own.
It does not look like Absalom did.
Therefore he had nothing to oppose when the enemy laid his cunning and evil plans against Absalom.

There are many circumstances and much to learn here. Where we must surely realize that David acted far too late. Perhaps he overlooked his own feelings and his own conscience?
Much speaks for it, as he screamed and carried himself when Absalom died and had been killed by one of King David's most trusted men, Joab.

2 Sam. 18. 8 And the battle spread throughout the whole country around, and the forest devoured more of the people that day than the sword devoured.
9 Absalom came straight to meet David's men; he was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great terebinth, so that his head caught hold of the terebinth, and he was suspended between heaven and earth; for the mule that he was riding on ran away. 2 Sam 14:26
10 And a man saw it, and told Joab, and said, I saw Absalom hanging there in the oak.
11 And Joab said unto the man that told him, Why sawest thou him not then, and smote him to the ground? then I would have given thee ten shekels of silver, and a girdle.
12 And the man said unto Joab, If I should receive a thousand shekels of silver in mine hand, I would not put forth mine hand against the king's son: for we all heard the king charge thee and Abishai and Ittai, saying, Beware of the young man, and of Absalom, whosoever he be of you.
13 But if I had dealt deceitfully, and taken his life, there was nothing hid from the king, and thou wouldest have escaped.
14 And Joab said, I cannot stand here with thee, to be carried away. And he took three spears in his hand and thrust them into Absalom's heart, while he still hung alive in the midst of the terebinth.
15 Then ten young men - Joab's comrades-in-arms - stood around and struck Absalom and killed him.
16 Then Joab sounded the trumpet, and the people stopped pursuing Israel; for Joab kept the people back.

Related links: 

http://the-heavenly-blog.janchristensen.net/2012/12/nr-425-king-david-had-choice-to-resist.html
http://the-heavenly-blog.janchristensen.net/2015/11/no-1077-king-davids-life-and-work.html
http://the-heavenly-blog.janchristensen.net/2018/05/no-1668-israel-as-independent-nation-in.html
http://the-heavenly-blog.janchristensen.net/2022/12/no-1599-king-david-beat-big-enemies-in.html
http://the-heavenly-blog.janchristensen.net/2020/02/no-1504-trials-and-difficulties-as.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnLR3Ii8Ycc&t=1040s